My Own Thoughts...

I have never ovulated in the three years that I’ve been married. In May, I had a beautiful temperature rise that indicated I ovulated. I was both shocked and realized to learn that my body was actually functioning normally. I waited with hopeful anticipation of the dreaded two week waiting period. I couldn’t resist the whole two weeks and therefore tested on 10dpo, which equaled a BFN. I also tested on 13dpo that ended the same. I was crushed and so disappointed in myself. I must remember that the Lord truly has a bigger and better plan than anything I can imagine. I should be rejoicing that I was able to ovulate and have a period on my own for the first time in over five years.

I just came to the realization that June marks the sixth month/cycle that I’ve been taking fertility treatments. I never imagined that trying to conceive would be such a long and dusty road. As sad as it is to admit, it’s hard to hear about my cousins and friends getting pregnant and having children. It’s even harder when you have to witness all their joys and changes and then look at myself and realize everything…changes. I just never imagined myself getting married and then fighting with my body to have the ONE thing that I desire above anything else…a baby.

I keep catching myself idolizing getting pregnant, having a baby, and raising a toddler. Maybe I should be focusing more of my energy towards reading my bible and studying the word. Maybe my life needs to be refocused and redirected…